Memoirs
by ex favilla
Summary: "No, the pain wasn't pain at all. It was just a small payment needed to bring such a divine thing into this world. And it was worth everything I ever endured to see him. Welcome, Ciel Malachi Phantomhive, to this bright and new day."


**A/N: **I don't believe that Rachel has been given much attention here on fanfiction dot net or fanfiction in general. So I decided that I would write a fanfiction in her honor. It's not much to look at, but I figured it would give some perspective on her. I know that according to the manga that she is rather... open, per say, with Angelina and rather outspoken. But I imagine she controlled that better when she married. However, this is just entirely my interpretation of it all.

**Dislclaimer:** Yana Toboso owns the depression fest known as Kuroshitsuji. Not me.

* * *

**April 29th, 1875**

My beloved diary,

Today, I have been graced with the best news imaginable.

A few days ago, I requested that the family doctor come and visit me in concerns of my health. I feared that an illness I had developed only a few years ago may have come back to haunt me, so Vincent, also in fear of the possible scenario, arranged for the nearest appointment. The kind doctor arrived early this morning all the way from London and proceeded with questions and examinations.

However, all of our worries were casted aside with enlightenment.

All of my symptoms were that of pregnancy, not of illness!

These pages couldn't even begin to describe the happiness both my husband and I were undergoing!

After we led the doctor out with our thanks, Vincent lifted me off of the ground into a twirl and held me tightly, both of us chuckling with joy.

You see, my little diary, after two years of attempting to conceive a child, I began to believe that my poor health was preventing me. It was such a dreadful possibility, but now I know all that worrying was nothing but nonsense.

This evening, Vincent and I, with the help of Mr. Tanaka, began making invitations for all of the close family to attend a dinner party. There, we would announce that I am with child. For all of the relatives farther away, such as Vincent's family in Germany or mine in France, we will be sending them letters concealing the news later.

Now I write by candle light as Vincent sleeps soundly next to me. I should retire too. The moon is high, and my child needs my health to be at its best.

Until another day,

Rachel Phantomhive

* * *

**May 8th, 1875**

To my little book of thoughts,

My sister Angelina came to visit after her return from her volunteer work in Spain, where an outbreak of illness was plaguing the outskirts of Madrid. I often wonder how she can bear to see ill patients and perform gruesome surgeries without hesitation. She claims it branches from her desire to cure my illnesses during childhood. If that holds true, then I am grateful to have such a wonderful and passionate sister. She has risked so much to become the doctor that she is, and that makes her an outstanding woman.

Vincent and I greeted her upon her arrival with her favorite Oolong tea and a quaint lunch. All three of us partook in conversation, and listened to her tell her stories from her travels.

It was much like our younger years, just the three of us… before Vincent and I married.

Vincent bade good bye to my sister with a kiss planted on her hand and left Angelina and I to our own devices.

She was my sister, and she needed to know of my condition.

I confided with her about my temporary secret, and she chuckled loudly and held me close, giving her happiest congratulations. One may have thought that she couldn't have been anymore jubilant.

But I could see the sadness weaved into the red color of her eyes the moment I told her the news.

I wish I knew what troubled her heart. And I wish I knew why my news only seemed to worsen it.

No matter. Vincent will be coming to bed soon, and I should be fast asleep.

Good-night, fair dairy.

Rachel Phantomhive

* * *

**May 27th, 1875**

The dinner party that we hosted yesterday went outstandingly well.

Almost everyone invited arrived (even the Undertaker showed, and he is never one for social events! Vincent must have done a lot of convincing on his part. The good man could use some good food and some social norms) and Tanaka assured that everything was pristine and in place. I owe him many of my thanks, for he deserves more than we've given to him.

Several hours into the event, and right in the midst of dinner, Vincent tapped the wine glass with his knife, and both of us stood. Vincent then raised the curtains on the secret – that I was with child. A thundering unison of claps and congratulations echoed through the dining hall, and after dinner, many came to give their personal compliments.

As we went to bed that night, I showed the little bump forming on my belly to Vincent. He bent down, kissed it, and informed me that it was a boy. I stared, and then said he had no idea of knowing. Vincent told me to trust him because he just knew.

For some reason, I believe that logic.

Noon will be arriving soon, and my tailor will arrive any minute to help plan for the clothes I will surely need in the near future.

We will speak again very soon,

Rachel Phantomhive

* * *

**June 12th, 1875**

My sincere little diary,

Vincent and I spent much of this morning deciding upon a name for a child. Of course, like with most couples, many of the name suggestions conflicted with one another. I can't believe that he didn't like the name Kimberley! He defined it as being too common and not "unique." It may be a common girl name, but it doesn't hold any less value.

Finally, after hours of research and endless options, we decided upon a name for both genders. Ciel Malachi Phantomhive or Alethea Celeste Phantomhive. Both Ciel and Celeste mean "sky and heaven." Alethea means "truth." Malachi means "messenger." Both of these names have been picked carefully by my husband and I, and they withhold very important meanings to us. We only hope our child will share a similar sentiment.

I fear I cannot write much this evening, diary. I hope this entry will suffice your hunger til next time.

Rachel Phantomhive

* * *

**July 14th, 1875**

I am so sorry that I have not written in over a month, little diary. There has been so much work under my wing and so many summer parties to attend. The days have also been so dreadfully hot, and fatigue has swept over me.

My belly has swelled a remarkable amount this month and now my pregnancy is physically noticeable. I even think that the little child inside of me has begun moving. However, I cannot be sure. This is my first child, after all.

I hope one day, when my child has long grown and begins to form a family of his own, he can read across these pages and see how much he has meant to me.

And if this child is female, I apologize dearly for calling you a male. I still abide by my husband's belief that you are a male, for he is not wrong often.

Sleep easy, little diary,

Rachel Annalisa

* * *

**September 21st, 1875**

My faithful diary,

I am now six months pregnant, and very ill.

I fear for both my child's and my well-being. I have been on bed rest for two weeks, and my vomiting has been uncontrollable. It isn't morning sickness.

The doctor says my weak stomach has been worsened by the baby I am holding, and that the stress from my condition and of family life has been attributing to my reoccurring asthma.

Vincent has been by my side almost constantly, despite the work the company has waiting for him. Once again, Tanaka has taken a lot of responsibility and has made Vincent's time with me possible. I am entirely grateful for both my loving husband and his generous butler.

Sebastian, our Borzoi puppy, has been on edge, and whimpers when he is around me. That sends fear rushing through my veins, for he knows something I do not.

My beloved sister has also been by my side as a doctor there to help me though this awful month.

Dear Lord, let my baby be safe from the weak womb it lives within.

Rachel

* * *

**November 19th, 1875**

The support and care from my doctors and family has pulled me through. I am not bed-ridden nearly as much and I am able to walk around the home and the courtyard freely. Despite my swollen ankles from the weight of my child, the walking has helped me graciously.

I feel as if I am about to burst, as my belly is protruding out so far! And with this, the movement of my child has been heightened incredibly. He kicks and pushes, exploring the home he will be leaving in due time. According to Angelina, he is actually a very odd child. Most children in the womb prefer to wake and move around at night, when the mother is more still. However, my little babe tends to be awake when I'm awake during the day. This is a good thing, I believe. It means I have been able to rest so well at night because of his choice to be awake when I am. Thank you, little one.

I am sorry for all the stress you have been under, darling child. I only hope you can forgive your mother's terrible form.

With love,

Rachel Phantomhive

* * *

**December 11th, 1875**

The child will be here any time now. Angelina told me the child has moved his body with his head to the bottom of my belly, meaning he is very ready to come to this world. Angelina's insistent on staying by my side until it is born. She also said that a midwife, who was also a nurse she knew well, would be coming to stay tomorrow to help her with the child birth. Though I believe all this commotion is unnecessary, Vincent reminds me that Angelina knows well what she is doing for she is an experienced doctor.

I let him have his way.

However, in return for his insistence, I called him over during our elevensie to show him the movement in my belly. My child's arms swooped across my skin and his feet could be seen kicking my belly, as if he were trying to work his way out. Vincent cringed, and placed his hand on my belly to feel the movement. He then gave a soft scolding to the child, saying that he should settle down before he hurt his mother.

The disturbed expression was worth seeing on my dear husband. Though I have to admit, the moving scared me a little too at first.

I'm waiting to see the form the angels have sculpted you with little one.

Rachel

* * *

**December 14th, 1875**

Vincent was right. It was a boy.

The contractions of my abdomen began around ten o'clock yesterday morning, and have lasted up until he was born, which was 2:17 a.m. of today. The pain was more than excruciating, but it was worth seeing my tiny boy in my arms.

No, the pain wasn't pain at all. It was just a small payment needed to bring such a divine thing into this world. And it was worth everything I ever endured to see him. His cries at birth were not cries, but little meek and adorable sounds hardly leaving his mouth. He was smoother than marble, and he couldn't have been any more beautiful.

Welcome, Ciel Malachi Phantomhive, to this bright and new day.

Now it is one o'clock in the afternoon, and I can hear his soft cries in the crib from across the room.

If I were not too weak, I would tend to his little sorrows myself. But I did not worry. Vincent immediately came to his need and cradled him, telling him that his mother was alright.

I smiled and

_And my sweet wife rested soundly for the rest of the evening._

_Rachel & Vincent_

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**A/N:** There will be a second part concerning Ciel's childhood shenanigans. And dumping cake on his dogs head. And his almost fatal asthma attacks. And...

You know what, nevermind. We get there when we get there.

Reviews are appreciated more than you ever know, m'lovies.


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